I'm not trying to be melodramatic but tonight I actually spoke the words aloud that I feel like I am in a dark hole and I don't know how to get out. Waves of intense emotion, sadness, hopelessness. Crying on the couch curled up into a little ball just like my 5 year old does and I didn't know what to do to make myself feel better.
Turns out I needed to cry and actually say those words of despair out loud so that someone could hear them instead of just feeling trapped inside my own head and my own misery. I like happy endings so I am going to put one here. I did not drive off the pier or go for the razor. I just came down here to my computer and opened the mail. Then I reached out to my husband and he came back with gentleness. That was what I needed. And then I swallowed my words of accusation that I wanted to throw at him, that it was his fault I felt this way, because my emotions are mine. and I didn't want to push away that gentleness.
So we live to fight another day.
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-anonymous
